Habitot will be CLOSED for
Thanksgiving
November, 26!
FALL-WINTER HOURS
October 1- March 31
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thu
Fri
Sat
Sun
|
9:30 - 12:30
9:30 - 12:30
9:30 - 12:30
9:30 - 12:30
9:30 - 4:30
9:30 - 4:30
9:30 - 4:30
|
Best Museum for Little Kids,
San Francisco Bay Area
San Francisco Bay Area
FOR KIDS
Performances & Events
Drop-in Activities
Classes & Camps
Habitot at Home
FOR PARENTS
Parent Support Groups
Parenting Q&A
Gift Store Discount
Get Involved
HABITOT NEWS
Announcements & Updates
Habitot is a nonprofit, 501(c)3 organization that relies on community support
Habitot Children's Museum
2065 Kittredge Street
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 647-1111
www.habitot.org |
 |
 Why does praise often backfire? |
 Many parents have heard the message not to over praise our children, but most of us say things like, "good job," "that's beautiful" and "you're so smart" without even thinking about it, and some of us even think praise will give our children an edge. A recent book by Po Bronson (How Not to Talk to Your Kids, the inverse power of praise) reveals some much needed data to show how and why praise often backfires.
As reported in a recent New York Magazine, Bronson has found that 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. This constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short. But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from under performing. It might actually be causing it.
After a group of New York City public school fourth-graders were given a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles—puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well — researchers told each student his score, and gave them a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. (“You must be smart at this.”) Other students were praised for their effort: (“You must have worked really hard.”)
Then the students were given a choice of a second test. One choice was a test they were told would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice would be an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. In other words, the “smart” kids took the cop-out.
The children praised for their intelligence quickly learned the name of the game: "Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.”
Then children were given a third, very hard test, one that everyone was sure to fail. The kids praised as "smart" assumed their failure to solve the puzzles was evidence that they weren’t really smart at all. “Just watching them, you could see the strain. They were sweating and miserable,” said Columbia (now at Stanford) researcher, Carol Dweck. Meanwhile, the children praised for their effort were unprovoked; they just enjoyed trying every angle to figure out the problems.
“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”
Dweck found this effect of praise on performance held true for students of every socioeconomic class. It hit both boys and girls—the very brightest girls especially (they collapsed the most following failure). Even preschoolers weren’t immune to the inverse power of praise.
Over praising children, especially in the infant, toddler and preschool years, creates a dependency on constant approval from adults. This inhibits children from having a strong and accurate sense of their own abilities from which true confidence springs. Frequent praise takes away from the moments when children have truly accomplished something spectacular.
Here are some strategies to avoid over praising or sending the wrong kind of praise messages:
• Be specific! When praising children, instead of "good job," talk specifically about
what the child is doing. For example, "I really like how you stirred carefully so
nothing spilled... worked hard to finish that job... put everyone of your toys
back."Allow children to feel a sense of satisfaction about what they have
accomplished.
• Allow room for mistakes, and less-than-adult versions of completed projects.
Laundry doesn't have to be folded perfectly by toddlers, or shoes lined up
exactly right. Try to accept what a young child is developmentally able to do and
notice when they make improvements.
• Avoid praising the same things over and over. If children are constantly praised
for the same task, they will feel let down that one time when you forget to
mention it. School can be a disappointment for these children, and they can
begin to question their abilities, because teachers (and coaches) do not praise
a child for every little action.
• Banish the phrase "you're so smart... beautiful... strong..." or any word that
describes an essential quality. Whether or not these things are true, simply
being those things does not lead to self confidence. It's what one does with
those gifts that matters. Parents can help a child develop this self-knowledge
by referencing effort and accomplishment.
|
Books and Articles for Adults:
How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The inverse power of praise. Bonson, Pro. 2007. New York Magazine Web Site: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
When a Parents 'I Love You' Means 'Do as I Say'. Kohn, Alfie. 2009. The New York Times Web Site: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html?_r=2&emc=eta1
Perils of Over Praise, Child Discipline with Love (2009). Child Discipline with Love Web Site: http://www.child-discipline-with-love.com/perils-of-over-praise.html
|
| eNewsletter Homepage |
| copyright© 2009 Habitot Children's Museum |
| |
|
